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CCAirwaves
Message from the Director- Where Was God?
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In this episode, we reflect on Andrej Lah's January 2026 Message from the Director, "Where Was God?"
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A Mother’s Question After Overdose
SPEAKER_00Hello, everyone, and welcome back to CC Airwaves. My name is Paige Matilla, and I am here with Andre La, Director of Cemeteries. And today we are gonna be reflecting on another message from the director. This one was published recently in January 2026, and it is titled, Where was God? Recently, I spoke with a mother who found her son after an overdose. As we talked, I shared my faith and my belief that her son was in God's care. Through her grief, she only asked me a single heartbreaking question: Where was God when he died? My response and what I truly believe is that God was with him in that moment. Though her son died alone in his room, he was not truly alone. When we enter the world, we are alone. By this, I do not mean that we are unloved or unsupported. I simply mean exclusive of anything or anyone else. When we look in a mirror, we see only our reflection, and we understand that we alone are responsible for our lives and how we choose to live. God gives us life, and as we begin our journey, each of us has the opportunity to build our lives, to create amazing relationships, and be there for each other. We are given a choice to live life in bitterness or joy, and in either case, we walk toward our final moment as one individual person, alone in the sense that we have an individual soul sent into the world by a God who only asks that we love him and that we follow his son. Alone does not mean without others in our lives, but it is our individual journey that leads to a life in paradise or something else. When we have faith, we are never really alone because the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are a part of our lives. When I look at our world, I witness the anger that seems to infect every aspect of our daily lives. I wonder if we have forgotten how quickly time moves and how fragile life truly is. It's hard to comprehend our unwillingness to acknowledge that there is a God and that he sent a Savior to rescue us from his death. So many of us look in the mirror and only see ourselves, looking back and others see a soul granted this time to make a difference and honor our one true God, the one who created the universe and forms each of us to live our lives with the ability to choose him or emptiness. I have come to know so many who have lost so much and understand the loneliness they feel. Their pain is excruciating, and the devastation of life's trials and tribulations has left them unwilling to see that God is always with them. It is up to each of us to choose loneliness or to open the door and conquer that loneliness. Alone, we must choose to live our lives with the joy of knowing Christ or the bitterness of anger and true loneliness. Family and friends do not conquer true loneliness. Only a relationship with Jesus can. So when asked, where was God, I know that He is there. And when we die, Christ is waiting and He welcomes us into paradise because our faith has saved us. In this month, dedicated to the holy name of Jesus, know that you are never alone, even if your family and friends are gone, because Christ walks with you. So,
Why “Where Was God” Repeats
SPEAKER_00Andre, that question, where was God? It's something that a lot of grieving people ask. And I'm sure you've heard it many times, besides that one instance with the mother. And why do you think that question is so common?
SPEAKER_03I think most people experience death and they don't um they they look at it and see uh tragedy, they see this person gone, they see, you know, they hear, they they get that horrible news of a of a death of a loved one, of a child, uh, um, or they walk in a room and find their son uh dead from an overdose, and um, or sometimes even worse, and I think that uh, you know, in that moment we don't see God. We can't. We just uh all we see is anger and we're bitter and and we don't see that you know death is simply a part of the journey. It um there's no escaping it, that's for sure. And it just it's one of those parts of our life that we don't really spend a lot of time or wanting to think about. Um unfortunately for us here at Catholic cemeteries, you know, that's it's it's a part of our life and it's something that we deal with on a daily basis. So why, you know, where was God? Um I think there are so many uh instances in in our lives where we can look at a moment where God uh was there and and we recognize it, but we can't, you know, when a when a young girl dies in a tragic car accident on her way back to college, um, and then you see the grandmother standing out by her crypt and just devastated by her loss. You know, of course I'm not, you know, the tragedy is that this young person, 19 years old, is gone, that this other this young man, 22 years old, you know, went went into his room, did something that uh, you know, we wish he didn't do, and ended up dying. And then the mom walked in and found him. I mean, I I remember so many years ago, you think about uh that uh the talk I gave uh about uh Linda, and then you know I think of another young family who whose son uh tragically was killed in a home accident, and and uh he was only four years old. I mean, and it was devastating to the family. But the stories that they would tell me, and and you know, I could see God in so many things. And then um the father and I were talking one time, and he said to me that he was driving, and it was not too long after their son's death, and he um he just started bawling and he he just gave it all up to God. And he he gave me this uh this he told me that there was this sense of peace, like a complete release of of the extreme pain, and it and it changed the direction of his life in that moment when he just finally said, I give it to you, you know, take this pain from me. And I think that's you know, that's where God is. I mean, we
Living With God Or Without
SPEAKER_03we don't we look at death in such a strange, you know, some sometime a very um it's like the mystic way that there's this mystery of death, but there's no mystery. I mean, we live, we you know, we live in this parallel world. It's a there's this and and I know there's kind of science fiction-y, but we, you know, we think of different dimensions and everything. Well, we do live currently in a parallel world. There's a world with God and there's a world without God. Um, if you choose to live without God, you know, they the somebody who's has no faith, who maybe is an atheist or whatever, they're gonna tell you how happy they are and that I'm crazy for believing this. But um I prefer the the other uh road, which is the one that invites God into my life, follows that guidance that He uh that He offers when when it comes, and it comes often. Um I think we've all felt it. Maybe some of us don't want to accept it. For me personally, I I I'm okay. I'm good with it. I'm I'm I look at it in a very unique way. You know, when you've when you've dealt with death for as long as I have, um, you really do see that distinction between those who live life in a in a sort of um an empty way that has no it it yes, it you know, they they're gonna tell you that we have purpose, we you know, we live on in our family, or we that you know, they they give you all kinds of different theories on why God doesn't exist. And yet I'm very comfortable in just, you know, if if someday I find out that I was deluded in my beliefs, well, I won't know anyway. So, but what I do know is that my life seems to be a I I can deal with issues and and difficulties and hardships. Um it just there's an ease to it when you know that there's this father um out there in the in, you know, and uh I know, and somebody's gonna laugh and say, well, what do you think there's this bearded guy out there in the world that is, you know, you know, tells you what to do? No, it's it doesn't, it's not like that. But it it there is a there is a spiritual connection to a father and to the son and to the Holy Spirit. I mean, you think of Christ, I mean, what he went through for us and how he suffered and conquered death. So his conquest of death tells me today that death is hard, death is tragic, death is all those things. But when we do die, God is there. When when that young man died, God was there. When that young woman died on her way to school, God was there. See, that's that's just it. It's just we we believe that God needs to keep all these painful things away from us. But that's not life. Life is filled with the trials and tribulations. We will find out one day, I hope, why it was this way. But uh it is a it is a place where we are allowed to live our lives, we are granted the freedom to do as we choose, and but it, you know, but there are consequences. So if you choose a life without God, without Christ, then the consequence is something more difficult. Um how that ends up after we cross over into the into the next life, I don't I don't know. That's that's God's job to to explain that one and to deal with it because you know it's but while we're here, we have that opportunity to show him that we believe, we follow him, we don't uh we try to be good to others and we try to minister to others. Here in what we do, we try to bring comfort as much as we possibly can. And um and we acknowledge people's grief and we hope that we can guide them through that that bitterness and that anger that comes with a tragic death and and allow them to focus on you know the true meaning of life and living in in you know, with God kind of in that overarching sort of um you know guidance in our lives. You
Tragedy, Evil, And Choosing Joy
SPEAKER_03know, when um when that shooting happened in Shardin High School, uh my gosh, it's uh it's yeah, it was in 2012, in February, um, I remember talking to the one mom, her name is Phyllis, and there there was uh there was sadness, but also uh a sense of joy. And um her joy came from the fact that she had a very powerful faith, and she in her mind, and and she accepted that okay, her son was tragically taken from her. God didn't put the gun in that kid's hands. Um God didn't do God didn't bring the tragedy to Phyllis's life that day, but what God did do was make sure that her son was taken care of and carried into paradise. And she knew that and she felt it. So it gave her a sense of peace. Of course she missed her son, she didn't want to go through what she had to go through. Um but it does give you a sense of peace when you when you accept that there is something beyond this and that God is there waiting. It doesn't uh it doesn't stop life from being, from accidents, from evil, from all those things that that that make up life. But it certainly gives us a path to follow toward peace. And I think that's what we all need to do. That's why I write, you know, I I really focus a lot on your choice between living in bitterness or living in joy. I mean, which life do you want? And that's the question you need to when you're looking in the mirror, ask yourself do I want to be bitter? Do I want to be angry? Do I want to just live in misery and and why this person was taken from me? Or do you want to look at it and say, you know, God is with me, God is carrying me. And and you know, and again, Paige, you know how many tragedies we deal with. I mean, I've just recently talked to a mom whose, you know, son, one son was died died in an accident, the other son soon after um died from suicide, and then not long after that her husband died. I mean, and here's a woman that had so much tragedy in her life, and she's just she she just needed some guidance. And we we talked it through and she shared her tears with me, and and um, you know, we ended up it ended up, I hope that I gave her some some peace in that moment that um that allowed her to accept a little bit better the the fact that you know she really isn't alone. She felt she felt very alone. And she was a woman of faith, and sure or is a woman of faith. So but you have to really it it it's a struggle, no matter how strong your faith is, it is a struggle to get beyond the you know that anger and that bitterness and that why did you do this to me question and accept that God didn't do this to me. Life did. This world that we live in did. It's it's the way it was designed. You know, when when you hear a story about uh an animal attack or or you know, I think of that young woman that that that was shot in in Chicago, that Loyola student. I mean, what a tragedy for that family. I'm looking at the parents and they're being interviewed and they're talking about their daughter, and and and I mean, I can't even begin to imagine the pain that they're feeling. But I hope that through that pain and through that anger that they see that their daughter is in in the loving, care, and mercy of God. Now it doesn't change the fact that, yes, she's not here, and you can't hug her anymore, and you can't talk to her, and you can't, you know, and I and I get all that, but it doesn't it doesn't take away from the fact that in faith in Christ there is a path toward everlasting life. And if you actually if you truly believe it in your heart, then you know that one day you will see her again, and you will experience that love and that care, and she will know you. How that works, now that's God's job to figure that one out. I don't, you know, nobody's ever come back and told us.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's a good point.
SPEAKER_03You know, well, but I mean you do have a you know, you do have some people that have those uh uh experiences, and I've watched plenty of those, and and it's quite interesting to to see. I I I I spent some time looking at that shroud of Turin and and the things that about that, and it's like you know, there's just too much out there to tell me that there is there is a life beyond this existence, but we're here to experience all of it. And it but it doesn't there's no there's there's no you know exclusion, you know, or uh clause from pain, from from the difficulties and the tragedies that come with with living in a world that we live in. Um and so the peace does come when you just believe that everything through God, through the Father, through the Son, through the Holy Spirit will be okay.
SPEAKER_00And I feel like you brought up a really good point, and it's that there is this misconception about Catholicism, about God, that nothing bad will ever happen as long as we believe and as long as we pray. And that that just isn't true. You're right, it's life. I mean, I think that's the big thing that people struggle with is that they will pray to God for something and it doesn't happen. Maybe it's praying for someone to get better or praying for something to happen, and then when it doesn't, they struggle with that. But God doesn't owe us anything.
SPEAKER_03Well, uh you're right. I mean, I guess, you know, if you you know when you ask, when you say it that way, God doesn't owe us anything. And that's true. God gave us life, he gave put us into this world, and he kind of set in motion our existence, and and what he asks of us is is you know, I gave you life for you to honor and for you to love each other and love me.
SPEAKER_00Exactly.
SPEAKER_03And so it's, you know, and and what does that entail? What does that mean? I think of, you know, I I you know as you were saying that, I thought of my um, you know, there was a guy I grew up with, his name was Milan. And Milan escaped from a cave. He was wounded, uh, they were shooting people along the edge of the cave, and the bodies were falling in, and he fell in. Um, but he was he wasn't seriously injured. Um and so as he he was down there for days as the bodies kept coming in and everyone that was dying, he could listen to them and he and he the description is horrible, but what what strikes me more than anything was the fact that every one of them that was not dead yet was praying for God's mercy, praying that you know they'd be welcomed into paradise. So in the midst of this tra so people of faith they deal with tragedy and they deal with difficult situations, they deal with horror, horrific horrible things, and and they take great comfort in the mercy of God. And so it it it it it it doesn't take away the pain, but it certainly brings a level of of relief and peace to know that there's a there's a powerful, living God that is that is that is gonna open his arms to you as as you begin the transition to your next journey. And
Faith In The Worst Moments
SPEAKER_03uh it it doesn't mean that we don't hurt, it doesn't mean that my friend whose four-year-old uh son was killed at home in a tragic accident is not doesn't miss his son every day. Um and his wife, actually, and and I I I know them both really got to know him really well. I I remember telling him one time, I wish I never met you, because the reason I met him is because of his uh son. And uh and we become really good friends, and I've experienced a lot of these things through through his eyes. I think of um the tragedies that I've I was exposed to throughout my life from the people that survived things that are unspeakable, um the tragedies. But the thing that they always and I think of those refugees that I grew up around who escaped these horrific, horrific things, um indescribable uh things that human beings will do to another human being. And yet I look I think of them now and and I I reflect on how joyful they were. You know, we would always, yeah, you know, in the Slovenian community, you'd get together, you'd go to Mass. Always went to Mass, always went to, you know, at the campground out in Man in Geneva, there's a there's a chapel. That was like one of one of the first things they built was a chapel. So everything was everything revolved around our our Christian or our Catholic Catholic faith. And, you know, so you you know, growing up, yeah, you know, it is what it is, but today, reflecting on that, you you realize that their peace, their sense of joy, despite every all the bad things. And I mean, they saw some really bad things. Or, you know, think of those people that that you know were in the concentration camps and and had to had to suffer what they had to suffer. And it wasn't, you know, there were people from all different backgrounds in those camps. And and their and how they survived, and then the joy that they experienced later, and it it didn't, it didn't erase what was, but when they uh when they're focused on faith, when they believe in God, when they believe in a merciful and loving God, then uh you are able to sustain yourself during those difficult times because you understand that this is just a journey and and that these the the bad things will pass and eventually we will find ourselves standing before our God. Um and the person who has no faith they just i I I guess there's an emptiness. Now, again, I've I've know plenty of atheists who have told me that, you know, what they believe and how they believe, and and uh that there there is no emptiness there, that they just uh, you know, how they believe they will live on and so forth and so on. And that's you know, that's great. I mean, good for you. Um but but I just find it somewhat hopeless. Um what is the purpose if if you're not here to live for some greater good, for some greater calling, for something um beyond uh this? And I look at, you know, just my own, I mean, every one of us can look in at life and see that it was guided to this place by a by this divine hand. Um, and then somebody is gonna look at you and say, come on, give me a break. That, you know, some like like I said earlier, like, you know, when you got some old man with a beard, you know, pointing you in certain directions. I don't know how it works. You know, I don't, I'm not saying that it's some old guy with a beard, that's just how we do it. But uh, you know, there is God, and what do you, you know, we are built, we are made in the likeness and image of God. So what does that mean? How does that translate? Um, I know this. We will know one day, and then and when we find that out, people say, I want to have night questions answered or whatever. I don't know that we're gonna care because we'll we'll have a unique understanding of of why and what. So um, like I said, I can't answer what it's like. All I know is that it's there. And I know that all those families, you know, when I drive to the cemeteries, my God, I I, you know, when I when you've been here this long and you've done this job, and and when you make it the way when you make people's lives part of your own, and when you when you share their tears, when you share their stories, when you will, when you give yourself to them in a way that they can share with you um their tragedies. Um you take on that, you take on that, you know, burden is kind of a it's not really a burden, it's it's um, but I guess it is a little bit of one, but you really try your best to be, I guess, God's messenger to them, that you know, your suffering through God will be healed. That, you know, if you allow God into your heart, that you're not um it doesn't take away the pain, but it certainly makes it more bearable. And and you develop an understanding that no matter how difficult, that through God it will be okay. And um, and I can't convince everybody of that, but I certainly do try.
SPEAKER_00So let's
Signs Of Grace And Next Steps
SPEAKER_00get back to where was God? When you were asked that question by the mother, what was going through your mind in that moment?
SPEAKER_03The first thing I thought of, he was right there, but you know, she didn't want to hear that really. But um so you have to uh, you know, for me, with the way I deal with that is just um I I certainly do accept her her pain, her uh the tragedy of of finding her son. Um she told me the whole story. Uh she cried with me. And um, you know, you try to you you you do your best to make that person understand that you know your child did not die alone. There was, you know, your child, your loved one, your whomever um died it with died in grace. I mean, Christ was there. Um and again, like I said, I I you know, I don't know how it works, but I do I know what I believe. And I I've been doing this long enough to tell you that the stories I have heard, the things that people have told me, wow, powerful stuff. Um there's one story that comes to mind right now, and it's it's it's kind of a sad story, but and and uh it's it's about someone that uh that I can't I I did not know personally, but I came to know the story, and it's difficult. But as this person was this person lived a uh a hard life, and they were not the uh at one point in their lives, they were not the best person in the world. Actually, they did things that you know are a little bit um out there as far as sinful. Uh we're all sinners, but this particular person did some things that uh would you know got him in trouble with the law, um regardless. He uh he was in a nursing home and during that time in the nursing home he prayed and he prayed and he prayed and he prayed and he prayed. You know, it's almost like when you think of Peter and the tears and how the tears gouged his his uh face because of, you know, he had teared uh he had cried so much from denying Christ three times.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And so here is this individual um dying, and I guess the the nurses described to my friend Um who's a funeral director, who was actually this person's friend, how they wouldn't go to the end of the room because of the it was just it was very bad. He was it was smelly, it was not good. At his death at the time of his death, they went in and what they described was the sweet smell of roses, and it was confirmed by my friend that yes, that room that was just you wouldn't go in because of the horrible, horrible odor all of a sudden smelled like roses.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, truly incredible.
SPEAKER_03You know, uh I don't know. Do I I you know I never underestimate the power of God? Never. You never should. Because I you know what I I don't know. I mean, I wasn't there, I didn't witness it, but I've witnessed plenty of other things. I mean, I've been to places and and you know, um one of the guys that I know that uh that climbed out of one of those pits, like Milan, this was Mr. Dayak, and uh he just and it's on uh Dick Russ did an interview with him, and he described it as almost like a hand, you know, he was climbing out out of the cave and he was starting to fall down, and there was nobody there, but it was he's he described it as it was like the hand of God reached down and pulled me up. Believe what you want. Yeah, I'm perfectly comfortable accepting that that I have faith in that. You know what? I mean, like I said, you know, people are gonna look at you and they're gonna say, come on, you're crazy. I mean, oh, like there's you know, the spirit in the sky. No, man, it's just God. It's just I can't explain why God does things. It's not, and it's not, you know, people that say, What he picked that person to to have the miracle, but not my child. It's not like that. And and you know, and I don't, I don't understand why some are healed and some are not. I don't, I don't have those answers. What I do know is that life is to be lived, and when that life, and and when God, when it's time for you to go home, you go home. How that works, how what what the categories are, what your, you know, you know, what what boxes do you have to check on that list? I don't know. Um, but what I do know is that, yeah, it's real. Spend enough time talking to people and experiences and the things that you've seen, you know, a butterfly landing on a casket in the middle of uh in a time of year when it shouldn't have been there. Okay, for a young daughter um that died, and as the family's pulling away, the mother looked back and there was a butterfly that landed on the casket. And this was a time of year that was it just she and she this she said it. There were it's not like there should have been a butterfly there, but it showed up. And she loved butterflies, their daughter.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And I mean, we talk about stories like that all the time on our Messages from Heaven segment on the podcast as well.
SPEAKER_03So where was God? God was there, God's in the room, God's in everything. Don't ever think that you're you're alone. You know, someone's suffering a mental uh, you know, a mental situation that brings them to the point where they take their own life. Where was God? God was there. Did God want that person to take their own life? Of course not. But he certainly was there. And he certainly welcomed that person once, because there's a there's a recognition, for example, with with any of those, what's especially suicide, that it's it's it's a mental defect that prevents you from seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Most of us, even even though the light may be faint, we see some way out of our current darkness. A person who reaches that point of, you know, where they see no hope, where that point of darkness, it's the same thing. But is did did God all of a sudden walk away from that person because they took their own life, or was God there hoping that that person saw that little glimmer of hope? Um no, but it doesn't mean that God wasn't there carrying them to paradise, you know, because of, you know, if if you have faith, you have hope. If you have no faith, can't help you.
SPEAKER_00Well, Andre, thank you so much for joining us on this episode of CC Airwaves. I know I love reading your message from the director and getting this conversation one-on-one after. It's truly a treat. So thank you so much. And for our listeners, if you'd like to read or comment on where it was got, you can look in the description for a link to our blog site. And if you'd like to read Andre's messages from the director, you can sign up for our e-newsletter. The link will be in the description, or you can sign up for reminders from our blog site when they are posted. Also, everything will be in the description. Thank you all and God bless you.