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Red Bird Ministries

• The Catholic Cemeteries Association

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CCAirwaves welcomes Teresa Yohman, Director of Marriage and Family Ministry for the Diocese of Cleveland!

Teresa will talk about their collaboration with Red Bird Ministries and highlight the support resources available for those in mourning.


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Speaker 1:

mówidentia. Hello everyone and welcome back to CC Airwaves. My name is Paige Matillo and today Joel Hansel is not with me. I have Rhonda Abrams, our bereavement coordinator. Say hello, rhonda, hello, nice to be here, it's good to have you, and we have a special guest. We have Teresa Yeoman, the director of marriage and family ministry for the Diocese of Cleveland. How are you doing?

Speaker 3:

I'm great Paige. How are you today?

Speaker 1:

I'm doing good. I'm actually very excited. We have new people on the podcast. You're going to be our first guest of the year, so it's good.

Speaker 3:

First guest of the new year already and it's almost February.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you're going to start the. You're going to have to set the bar high for the other ones.

Speaker 3:

Oh, dear, the pressure is on. I'll leave it to Rhonda. She can pull it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

I'll just smile a lot. Yeah, you know, this is a podcast.

Speaker 1:

They can see it, they can hear it, they can hear it. All right, so why don't you start off by just telling us a little bit about yourself?

Speaker 3:

OK, so I'm Terry Yeoman I go by Terry and Teresa People ask that often and I'm the director of marriage and family ministry for the Diocese of Cleveland. I've been in the role for going on four years. I am over top of marriage, family, everything, hope and healing, which is where the bereavement comes in. And then my office is also also over human sexuality and people often so those four things, basically anything that hits families. And when I came into the role, we really looked at what the office was offering and what we were responsible for and decided to take the bites that we could chew more quickly. And so most people think, oh, terry Yeoman, that's the marriage office, it's only about marriage and marriage prep. But we actually focused in on bereavement and hope and healing and the human sexuality pieces because we've also seen that the LGBT issues can have bring bereavement and the family issues that are affected by bereavement.

Speaker 3:

And it was an area that was already solid because of our relationship with Catholic cemeteries and bereavement workers. So we've done a lot of work on hope and healing, and through the office too, and marriage, and the marriage kind of cumin in us. So what's next?

Speaker 1:

So have you and Rhonda worked together a lot.

Speaker 3:

We have. We've worked together for the past three and a half years. I believe.

Speaker 2:

No, I can't believe it's been four years that you've been in the office already, and how have I so quickly?

Speaker 3:

It has gone fast, but, yes, we definitely have worked with each other. Originally it was who are the bereavement ministers? Who do we work with? What kinds of things do we do? We've worked together to bring at least well, probably three retreats now for our bereavement ministers that work for cemeteries as well as the parishes, and so we offer a retreat around Christmas every year, well to kick off Advent.

Speaker 3:

So we plan that together and bring that. And then we did a resource fair in the spring. A couple of times I think we've done something like that.

Speaker 2:

Right, yeah, and then also we frequent the district meetings in the parish so that we stay in touch with the priest and the clergy and all of the staff people there too, yes, yes. I ran into.

Speaker 3:

Ron to add one of the district meetings, the one I was like. Wait, you're everywhere.

Speaker 1:

You're following me, yeah, but it is.

Speaker 3:

It's important because those district meetings and soon to be denies, potentially are a way for us to really know what's going on around the eight counties.

Speaker 1:

That is important. So today we're kind of here to talk a little bit about Redbird Ministries and the partnership that they have with the Diocese of Cleveland, so can you tell us a little bit about them?

Speaker 3:

Sure, so not that anyone can tell, but Rhonda and I both were read today for Redbird Ministries.

Speaker 1:

I did not get the memo.

Speaker 2:

It was not intentional, it was subliminal I definitely thought it through.

Speaker 3:

So when I'm coming in and, like I said, we really looked at hope and healing and our bereavement ministers and what we had. And the Redbird Ministries is a Catholic organization, they're out of Louisiana and so Kelly Bro is the founder. She's experienced multiple losses of children and so they founded this ministry to support and develop in a peer network way families that are grieving the loss of a child, and so they have. I want to say it's about it's like five years. It could be longer than that, it might be 10. I don't know, but we found them, we had them on the radar. And then we have to find couples around the diocese that have actually experienced loss and they develop what they term it as a nest, and so you develop your nest in your area and then when folks experience the loss they can call in and you've automatically got peers that can support them.

Speaker 3:

The network is generally very much grief specific. So if you've had a loss due to suicide, a loss of an infant, a loss of late term pregnancy, things like that, you try to find people that have gone through those very specific losses loss to overdose, loss to a tragic accident, those are all things that are specific for them and then they've developed grief ministry tools to go with that as part of their resources. Does that help a little bit? Yes, that's a very good explanation.

Speaker 1:

No, I just stare, that's one of the things that I do. So can you describe the approach that Red Bird Ministries takes in supporting couples who have lost a child?

Speaker 3:

Yes, so they actually have an app that anyone can download on their phone, and so we partnered with Red Bird. Last spring we started planning, so we have a partnership with them where we're a diocese, so we pay in a fee for the diocese of Cleveland, so anyone in our eight counties that has experienced a loss can download that app, go to their system, their network, they automatically reach out and then they will send an email. If someone reaches out through the app or the website, it sends an email through to me.

Speaker 3:

And I'm able to reach out to that person, find out details of their loss and connect them with someone that they can help. One of the great things is that app also enables them to find a larger network. So if we don't have anyone in Cleveland who's come forward yet, there are other people that are in the app. So for our young moms, that's really super important that they're able to find people. And it's not only for moms. They now have things that they're doing for dads, so they've developed that piece. One of the neat things is they have a clergy portal within the app and clergy can go on and they can enter that portal and they can find resources and tools for them tips on how to support, tips for their homilies, different things that they can do as well. So they have the app. That's a really nice feature.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's a great resource I didn't know about the clergy portal.

Speaker 2:

That's neat.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, the clergy portal is being developed and they keep adding to the resources that they have as it grows. It's a newer program, it's new to us in Cleveland, so it continues to grow with what they have to offer. That's a good resource. Yes, yes, and then they also have so they have printouts, they have trifolds that we can download, typically asked questions after someone's experienced miscarriage or loss, and so different things that they've put together that clergy can ask for that we can supply for the back of their in the vestibules and they say oftentimes to put them in the confessional.

Speaker 3:

I'm sure cemeteries could put them around the cemetery offices, things like that just to make people aware of Redbird, the one thing I will say there's another Redbird that I always say make sure you're on the right Redbird. Redbird Love is their website. There's actually another Redbird resource that's care packages for if someone's experienced loss, and so some people have actually called back and they're like I'm looking for more than someone buying a gift to send to somebody and it's like, yeah, you have to look for them. Make sure you're at the right Redbird.

Speaker 1:

You know what's funny is? I think I've actually seen the Redbird Love. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3:

So they offer the app, they have the website and then when the network grows so, for example, say, you're listening to this podcast and you've experienced loss of a child and you would like to help someone else those people reach out to me. I help them with training by sending them to the Redbird program. If their priest is like yes, we'd like to do this through our parish, we do some of that homework with them and then they're able to get training and support through Redbird down in Louisiana through an online training program that they offer. And then we also work with Cornerstone of Hope. So we partner with Cornerstone of Hope to train our bereavement facilitators and facilitator skills.

Speaker 3:

Because oftentimes if I've just experienced a loss and I have gone through the loss of a child in the respect of miscarriage, and if it were just me when that was happening, I don't know that I'd be ready to take calls and support someone. So what do I have to do? That sounds really scary. But when they hear once I talked with them and say, hey, we've got Cornerstone of Hope and that's what they do. They work with just bereavement so I can send them to bereavement facilitator training, then they're equipped. They know what could happen on the phone call. They know what can happen when they're working with these folks. So we send them through facilitator training through Cornerstone of Hope, as well as the Louisiana program, through Redbird, and then they feel a lot more confident about working with couples Very good.

Speaker 1:

I was going to say that's really interesting. I didn't know how much work and you know how much work it took to become a facilitator.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, and well, and I think some of that is also by choice, so you could come forward and say you know, I've experienced loss. I don't know that I really want to take phone calls, I want to start to help. And so this past fall we ran their couples workshop. So we ran a couples workshop in September and it was wonderful. St Brigitte Kildare's giant shout out to Steve Mallick, who's also a bereavement minister, and Rhonda and Betsy Nastrik I'm trying to think of who helped us play in that. It was several of us. Yeah, linda Buker from Down in Loudounville, mm, hmm.

Speaker 3:

So we all worked together and those are trained bereavement facilitators with, you know, 20, 30 years of experience plus. And they came together to help us get ready for this couple's week or couples day. And so we ran an all day retreat and it was interesting because we had people come from Steubenville, we had some people come from Cincinnati that drove in state and hotels to come to the retreat day and we offered the retreat day and that that in that way, a couple that could come and help with just hospitality If they wanted to come and take part in the retreat day to experience it first. So they know what they're looking at. So we'll be running more of those as we develop our nest. So we have, we've done the one and we're Beth Rosetti she was part of that too I almost forgot her Beth is.

Speaker 3:

We're ready to run another couples retreat or workshop weekend. It is open to everyone. They call it couples because Redbird calls it couples that because, to make it different from their dad's retreat, they offer women's book studies also, and so we really want to make sure that we offer it to everyone, because some folks have been through divorce or they're single or what. It's still open to everyone even though it's called that, and so we try to support them with our trained bereavement facilitators through that day to Terry.

Speaker 2:

I think also the day before that retreat for the, the, the, the grievers is the retreat they have for caregivers. Don't they have like a day before where they help people who want to help facilitate that?

Speaker 3:

We did this this past year, we did it, we did a day for anybody to come and find out about all different bereavement resources and what we have for caregivers in the Dices of Cleveland. I'm not sure if that's what you're talking about.

Speaker 1:

Right, yes, yes, yeah, we did do that yeah.

Speaker 3:

We just shared all the different resources for bereavement, because there's a lot out there.

Speaker 1:

So, terry, do you mind sharing what some unique challenges married couples may face when they're dealing with grief Sure?

Speaker 3:

So men and we women grieve very differently, and so that's one automatic that comes into play for people. That women can get frustrated that the husband's not grieving in the same way that I am, and and it's a huge indicator for divorce If somebody, if a couple, goes through the loss of a child, it can automatically just be like they are on the radar. We need to get supports for them. Men, often culturally they're supposed to stay strong. They're not really allowed to show their emotions, so that becomes very difficult for them to that that here's my wife grieving and emoting very publicly and he's not in that place. So that can be a stress factor for them when they go through things differently and they're not sure. If they've had communication issues previously, then you add this stress factor on the top of that, so that can be a part of it too. Does that make sense?

Speaker 1:

Yes, I actually wrote a blog post about how men grieve differently a couple months ago because of exactly what you were saying societal norms, it's the boys don't cry, girls cry, and how we're kind of putting these separate boxes. So I think it's interesting that Redburn Ministries kind of gives men their own space to grieve the way that they're accustomed to, or like learn how to grieve Right, and they have a men's retreat also for divorce, and we have not offered that yet because we don't have a whole lot of fathers coming forward to be ready.

Speaker 3:

So if you're out there, and you have lost a child and you're interested in helping with that, please reach out to me, because we need all the support we can get and things like this. And it isn't that we're getting these calls. I think that's the other part that's scary for people. Does this mean I'm going to be getting calls like at my home? Am I going to get five times a week? What does this look like? And so I think that's a great question. What does this look like? And so, just to put it in perspective, I've had three young moms that I'm aware of in the diocese that have lost a child and maybe they're not ready to even reach out for something yet, but I've only had one form of outreach through the website since September. So this isn't something we're getting tons of calls yet, but it could just be awareness also, that people aren't aware that we're here. But we definitely need our nest to grow.

Speaker 3:

So I would encourage anyone to reach out because it can be as simple as you getting a call and being able to talk with somebody about what your loss was and you're just supporting them and going through that piece Very much in a peer way, not in a counselor way. You aren't a counselor. You're not expected to carry someone through. Even if we send you through the facilitators training for bereavement and you're with counselors doing that, you're still not expected to fill that role. It's just to help you, bolster you up.

Speaker 3:

So hopefully this broadcast will help people make it more aware that we're doing this and we have the resource available to families or individuals who have the loss of an infant or child or baby, and they've got a ton too, like even just books that they have available and things that you could do, like they have a let in journey that someone could just get the book and go through on their own. If you're like I'm not really into a group thing or I don't want to go out and do anything, those books are available for purchase too.

Speaker 1:

That's really good. I'm glad that they provide resources, you know, for everyone, I mean, if you want to do it alone, if you want to do it in a group or even as a couple. So that's very good.

Speaker 3:

And that's another one too, where even say somebody does come forward that starts to do this. They can. They run some of the book studies over Zoom, so you don't have to leave your home. You can, you know, just lead the book, study and share, and it's done in a way that you're sharing your experience with someone via Zoom makes it easy for everybody.

Speaker 1:

And Zoom makes everything easier. That's why we have our virtual grief support groups here, but we also have our in-person one as well.

Speaker 2:

And I think just having the different options of how you can approach your grief gives people options for the different phases of their grief, like early on. You may not be able to be with a group of people, so you can get a book, or you can look at a podcast or a webinar and whatever meets your need at that time. That's what's going to help you.

Speaker 3:

And I think to the other part I want people to be aware of is that there's, it's some of this stuff is judgment-free. You know people being Catholic. There are people that you know they didn't bring remains to be buried, they don't have a grave site to go to, and so when they hear other folks talking about that, it's like well, wait a minute, I didn't really do all that and so I just lost the pregnancy, or I just and it's like no, you're still grieving, that's still very, very important and we're not going to judge you because you don't have those things that you went through didn't have a funeral or didn't have, and so it's important to know that they're still welcome to come and help process that experience and not be alone, that they aren't alone.

Speaker 2:

That's the most important thing, yeah. And when there's people out there who are alone, struggling through this, and you don't have to be so.

Speaker 3:

Correct. Yeah, I support that all the time that people realize they are not alone in their grief.

Speaker 1:

So do you mind sharing a piece of advice to couples who are navigating their grief together?

Speaker 3:

Open and honest communication about where you are trying different ways to communicate. I think that sometimes people think that they have to be able to sit down and talk, and I want and for women that may be the case, but it might be writing letters too. You might be able to share through a letter in a lot easier format with your spouse than doing that. I think that it's. We have to recognize that we're in a world where a lot of our couples that are young, they've only been texting, and so that can be very powerful for them. But to get a text that three miles long but it'd be at work or something like that and you weren't in a grief experience like trying to get scheduled time so that you're both on the same page with that, if that makes sense.

Speaker 3:

So if you're the wife that's sitting there like, oh, my husband doesn't understand where I'm at right now he's not able to support me.

Speaker 3:

Who do you have for your support networks? Who can you call and make sure that you're being supported as individuals? If you're the man, what males do you know that you can go to that handle things well, that can support you and I. But I think finding different formats for your messaging, but being clear, that recognizing because you've, you know, given this letter that had all these things, you've poured your heart out and maybe your spouse isn't able to support you there at that time that that doesn't mean that they don't want to support you, that they don't love you. It's just that maybe they're not in that headspace at the same time. Everybody goes through things differently, and so you don't want to expect them to grieve exactly the same as you. So making sure you do that After you've tried these different things, I think, reaching out to support groups, knowing that we have these things available, that Cornerstone is right around the corner for a lot of people, that they also do.

Speaker 3:

We have telehealth things that are available getting counseling when it's necessary, because it can be very, very devastating for couples. You know, even if they are losing a pregnancy, that grief can be very overwhelming, especially if you haven't had any children. And even if you have had previous children, it's still very difficult to lose a child through pregnancy loss. So, reaching out to find out, and even if you so say, somebody calls in and they're like Terry, I lost this pregnancy, or I did this and I've done this and here's the list of things Having somebody that you know you can call, that can help you to say no, maybe it is time, maybe you should talk to a counselor or you're okay.

Speaker 3:

It's okay for you to still not be in an okay place right now. It's good to just know that you have that reinforcement and I'm sure that Cemetery's grief supports same thing, calling in attending something that you're allowed to do that.

Speaker 2:

And I think one thing some people don't realize is that you can take advantage of as many resources as are available. You don't have to do one thing or the other. You can do several things at one time. You can go to a counselor, you can join one or two or three different support groups, you can just do journaling or some way to externalize your grief. Any efforts that you make are worth it, and I think one of the other things that we don't talk about is making sure you have a group of peers that you can share things with, even though you have an individual need and you may not want to share it. Having a group of people that you can bounce things off of without judgment, like Terry said, helps to heal the hurt that's inside.

Speaker 3:

And sometimes I think family can't be that place Because family can be grieving too. So we often forget that grandma and grandpa are also grieving. So, as a young mom who relies on her mom all the time, even grandma is now grieving.

Speaker 3:

Her mother might be grieving, her father might be grieving, so they have to sort of stop. And where do I? How do I expand that network to other folks? And I think that's just an invaluable resource. And I think, sooner rather than later, we know that these things can erode someone's mental health very quickly and you don't expect that you can be strong and healthy, able to handle things, and when something rips the carpet out from under you like unexpected grief, you really want to reach out sooner rather than later so that you can stay on top of it.

Speaker 1:

I don't know about you guys, but I didn't work in bereavement or at a cemetery. This is like my second year working here, so I didn't know before this that there were so many healthy outlets to grief. I thought you know, okay, crying, that's it. I didn't really know about grief support groups or even butterfly releases or these events that you're talking about, and so letter writing, and I think that it's really great that, like, we're able to have all these resources for people who are grieving.

Speaker 3:

The you saying. The butterfly release has just made me think too. We have many people that do things around, all saints and all souls that I'm trying to think of, all the churches that had, you know, bring a candle for. Candles right yes, and many of our parishes did that and like seeing Albert the great, I think they had like 200 people come. And I know there was some on the East side that did things as well. I don't remember, Rhonda. Does Cemetery do specific things for bereavement loss?

Speaker 2:

Oh, yes, with the candles Throughout the year, yeah, but we have our walk to remember and at the end, of that walk. We say the rosary, they get a candle.

Speaker 3:

Right yeah, and those are open to everyone, mm-hmm Right.

Speaker 1:

And we have our one year anniversary mask that will actually be coming up in March. Yes, mm-hmm.

Speaker 3:

Yeah Right, so things like that, that I think people don't always associate the like loss of pregnancy or child with that, that you would still be grieving, that. I think we tend to often think like it's just elderly people that have lost their parents and it's like, no, that's not the case anymore.

Speaker 1:

Right, mm-hmm, we have lost to addiction.

Speaker 3:

We have lost to so many things that we have to provide.

Speaker 1:

Yep, and all those different categories. It's great that you guys are able to provide those resources, kind of like what you were saying earlier lost to addiction, lost to you know anything. So I think it's wonderful. Right, let's see. What else do I have for you? Do you have any upcoming events that our listeners might be interested in? Family ministry or red bird ministry?

Speaker 3:

Well in family life. Keep us in your prayers. This event is the registration closed.

Speaker 3:

But this coming Saturday I don't know if you when you air- but we actually have over 350 couples or not 350 couples 350 people coming for a marriage love beyond words kickoff event. So that's exciting for National Marriage Week. So we have that coming. We've got a strategies for strengthening relationships, and so it's about conflict at St Hillary. That registration is on our website February 24th. So for married couples, please check that out. It's always good to have your marriage and relationship strengthened. We have a behold retreat for moms and daughters coming. That is also on our website. And then let's see, we're planning a red bird retreat for the fall. Again, that would be for couples.

Speaker 3:

So we're thinking again like into September, but date is to be determined. It's actually on the agenda for next week to get that and remember Terry says couples, but any relationship.

Speaker 2:

if you're an individual who has a loss, you can still attend.

Speaker 3:

And please, if someone else is asking, let them know that too, because that was a lot of phone calls. People were like, well, how can I register? Just register. We send the question to a questioner after and it all comes out in the wash. So we figure it out. Let's see if there's other events that we have come in. Our Jubilee Mass for all the couples married 50 years or older is June 9th, so we're excited about that too. That's very sweet Right, and we're planning with. We're probably going to work with the Laoclesial Ministers and then in bringing in Catholic Cemetery's again to develop some tools for the newer Laoclesial Ministers for training and support, so they know about all the bereavement resources that we have.

Speaker 1:

That's wonderful. Sounds like you're going to be very busy for a while.

Speaker 3:

All the time.

Speaker 1:

All the time.

Speaker 3:

I don't know how you guys have an Eclipse watch party at any of the cemeteries.

Speaker 2:

You know we haven't talked about that yet, but we will work something out. I already have glasses.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I was thinking that I was like the cemeteries would be a great place because you've got all the parking all around.

Speaker 2:

Well see, paige doesn't know it, but Joel has done it before, when we had an Eclipse.

Speaker 1:

We had a party. You're not on a Mitzvah. We had a party event. Yeah, in the parking lot.

Speaker 3:

I think that's a great idea. All right. Well, I will be doing that for sure.

Speaker 1:

You know where I'll be. And then one last question and we'll let you go. For those interested in supporting Redbird Ministries, what are the best ways for them to get involved?

Speaker 3:

I think they have things on their website that they absolutely take donations and you can make it to a diocese specific and then that helps to purchase the resources. It's somewhat expensive to pay for the couples to come forward to get them trained and up and running, and when I say somewhat expensive, I'm not talking thousands of dollars but, it is hundreds of dollars for sure, the resource kit to send somebody and do everything.

Speaker 3:

It's probably five to $600 to really give them all of the tools that they have available. So those would be things that People could make donations specifically through our office and I could put into pastoral care and choose. And it's a lot easier to say to somebody someone's sponsoring your training so that somebody doesn't think they need to do that and our office helps to pay for it too. They could go online through Redbird and make donations to Redbird through there. I think if you have somebody that's had loss, I think it's important to realize just sending cards is important and letting other people know that they can send cards and little memories. I tell people that if you know somebody who's lost a child, go in your calendar and go one year ahead of time and, like whatever the due date was supposed to be, if it was a pregnancy, writing that in your calendar. If you know the lost date, write that in your calendar. Even just sending a little email to those folks is helpful and supportive that they don't feel that they're lost and left out. Those are free.

Speaker 2:

And I think one more thing that is near and dear to my heart is acknowledging the loss of a child or whatever around Mother's Day and Father's Day. Those are the days that are the hardest because it's an unknown, unseen type of a loss. People don't acknowledge that you have a loss, but they're celebrating motherhood and fatherhood and it's kind of a pain that people don't see. So if you know someone that has gone through that, just stay close to them and support them around those times Right, and so we've.

Speaker 3:

Actually, I know some of the clergy will actually, the weekend before Mother's or Father's Day, they'll actually say you know, next weekend is Mother's Day, but we want to honor this weekend any of the mothers that have had loss or fathers that have had loss, that we're keeping you in our prayers knowing that it's difficult. So that's just some of those tips.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much for coming today, Terri, we really appreciate it. And Rhonda, thank you for joining us and taking Joel's place today. It's my pleasure today and for our listeners for CCR Waves. Thank you so much and we'll see you next week. Why don'tony?